This has been along time coming. I am breaking up with you. I know this news has come suddenly but it could not wait. As you know, we have tried before to separate, take breaks, cut back, manage our relationship, thinking we could but to no avail.
I am not giving you the blame for all of my problems…I chose you and kept you around for years thinking I did not want to do life without you. You were always there for me in thick and thin. My friends LOVED you! You we’re always welcome to my parties…I even shared you! You helped make everyone laugh, dance, stay up late, gossip, fight, repeat our profound (or I thought they were) thoughts over and over and over….have great sex (or so I thought) and wake up the next day craving you to help ease the shame , guilt and the hangover. Then repeat it all very frequently. You became my daily fix. I depended on you and was always let down afterwords. I am owning my choice to keep you around for so long and my choice to let you go.
This has not been easy for me. My friends ask me why I am not drinking and I am still trying to come up with lame excuses as to why I have given you up. It makes them uncomfortable and question their own relationship with you.
The first week without you was hell! I was shaky, sick, my heart raced. I had night sweats and insomnia. All I wanted to do was call on you for relief…I stayed strong. Week two was better. Now on week four and I am beginning to realize what a waste of time you were! I am waking up rested and sharp! I definitely look better. Gone is the bloat, dehydration and under eye bags, blood shot eyes. Gone is the lethargy that accompanied a late night party. I am starting to see the lightness in my body, feel it in my soul and project it through my personality. I am noticing details of life that had become big blur.
I have found that I don’t need you to be funny or have fun! I have so much more time in my day for other activities. I get more accomplished in a day than I did in a week with you in me! I wake rested. My relationship with you had become all consuming and, face it, expensive! And when I loved you in the form of tequila, you became REALLY expensive!
It started out great and I will always have some fond memories of out time together. Our relationship became toxic, painful, isolating. My need for you was eclipsing my other, more healthy needs. My health was in danger. My life was in danger.
You are a crafty seducer and I succumbed to your charms far too long but now it is over. I hate you and never want to see you again(although I am sure I will). The money I save by not drinking you will provide for me a month in Italy! I have already booked it! The party with you is over! I am free! I love ME now! When I do see you again at parties and in restaurants (even in my own home), I will ignore you. As My mother used to say “good riddance to bad rubbish”. If you had a brain you would probably be thinking “oh, she has tried this before and she never stuck with it”. Well you do NOT have a brain and I do. (This fact made us unequal in the first place). My brain is in the process of healing and tells me to to eliminate you from my life and maybe, just maybe my choice will inspire others in my circle of influence to break your chains as well! Fuck off! Man, I have been wanting to say that for years!
PS. I have lost weight and am looking real Hot! I definitely will meet someone who is more interesting than you to hang with.