Dear ex Mother-in-Law
I always regarded your son’s beer as the “other women” – you lived on another continent so you never knew what was going on.
She was the “other woman” – always dressed in red and gold, carrying her shield and castle like a princess.
He would fetch her from the bottle store in a case on the weekend, open the car door and carry her into the house and gently place her in the fridge. Sometimes she would be fetched during the week too. He never opened the car door for me.
She made this click sssshhhh sound when she was opened, he held her in is hand, he never held me anymore, he brought her up to his lips, he never kissed me anymore. She was filled with chemicals that quenched his thirst and made him loose interest in me on a sexual level. She controlled him, she was in his hand during the week from the time he walked in the door from work still he went to bed.
On weekends she was in his hand from 12 pm. I worked on a Saturday and would only get home around 3pm. She had spent all that time with him. She turned him into Jekyll and Hyde. In the morning she was not around and he was a different person. He had forgotten what he had said the night before and was a lot nicer. Of course this did not last long. He started working from home and she would be there around 12pm leaving rings on the dining room table while he sat with her on his lap top. Haunting me, making sure I knew she was around.
On the odd occasion that we did go out she would come in the car. He had to have her, hold her. He would never leave her alone or half empty. I felt half empty all the time, and l was lonely.
He hated my family, but she was the one inside when we were around the family, and when we were out. She changed the way he walked, talked and looked.
You knew she had the most control when he would sway back and forwards, you knew she had the most control when his eyes were blood shot and bulging, you knew she had the most control when he slurred his words, I hated her the most when she had this control, the hurtful things he said he said because of her. He loved her so much that he denied sayings ugly those words.
I would cook dinner at night and by the time dinner was ready, she made him so full and content, he was not hungry. He never wanted to eat when it was time for dinner – at first I used to get upset. Eventually my girls and I ate and she got her way. She broke the value of a family eating together around a table. She won once more.
I hated her for what she was and did to our family, I especially did not drink ever, I did not want my girls to think drinking was cool. I am lucky because neither of them like alcohol.
I tried to break up the relationship between the two of them – nothing I did or said would help, in a way it brought them closer together.
You were thinking I must have driven him to drink but I know I was a good wife but she was stronger than me and more controlling. I tried, I loved him. I was a great wife. This is a gene that runs in your family not mine.
SHE WAS JUST WAY MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THAN ME!
Yours sincerely,
Sabrina
343 comments
I am reading this letter and so much of it is resonating with me. The sad part is that I am the alcoholic that is allowing alcohol break my happy family. I always regret the things I say and do when I am under the influence of alcohol. I see the sheer desperation in my husband’s eyes when he has to watch on as I make a fool of myself when I am under the influence.
Thanks for your comment and I hope the fact that the letter(s) resonated with you makes you feel less alone. Alcohol has been so normalised in our society and many of us struggle or have struggled with addiction.
If you look on our other website http://www.worldwithoutwine.com you will see that we have an online support system to help people get through an alcohol free month – it’s called “Take a Break” – and you can read more about it at http://www.worldwithoutwine.com/take-a-break, why not check it out and give it a try. Good luck and keep in touch!
Janet
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